Dante's inferno opens with Dante running through the woods from three horrible monsters. He runs for so long that he finds himself lost in the dark woods. He's tired, he's alone, and he realizes his doesn't know the diritta via, or right way out. He becomes conscious that he is ruining himself and finds himself falling into what he calls a basso loco, or deep place, where he says the sun is silent (I sol tace). My disordered world is my basso loco where I sol tace. The words found here are my desperate attempt to articulate what feels like my stumble through a place where up is down and food is greed, where death is honor and flesh is weak. It seemed so easy to find my way here but I'm finding it much harder to find the way out.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Pathos

I was reading today and learned that in ancient Greece the word ethos was used to mean one's drive for life while pathos represented one's self destructive nature.  And while everyone is believed to have both in them, the goal of life is presumably to feed your ethos, and let your pathos be overtaken by it.  I'm not sure why I went and did the opposite.  Hell, I'm not sure why any of us did.



I feel like I've forgotten what it means to live.  I don't remember ever feeling alright, all I remember is feeling like shit and I don't remember what it was like before.  People take the feeling of satiation for granted.  They take for granted the fact that they can wholly fulfill their need to consume without the assistance of a feeding tube.  They take for granted the feeling of steadiness, of a head that does not spin every time you stand up to quickly.  They take for granted their throats which aren't torn and raw with bile and their stomachs that don't ache and protrude with hollowed emptiness.  They take for granted that they are able to just be, without it being a question.

I ache for the girl who came before this.



Remy
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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousMay 17, 2011 at 8:44 PM

    Thats sick. Thats sick and fucked up. People are sick fucks esp. anyone that would fuck with a kid. Fuck him. The best thing you can do for yourself is to keep going and get better.

    Ttyl
    Jess

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